Monday, August 18, 2008

~ Anxiety ~

a.k.a. "Panic attacks" and "freak outs".

I call them weekly blips in my day-to-day life.

Others call them a moment of weakness, a cop-out and a made-up disease.

Franky I'm tired of them (the attacks) and them (the attackers who seem to think anxiety can be easily controlled). Damn ~ sorry for the bad grammar there. I'm too tired to fix it.

I've dealt with anxiety problems for my entire life. My first anxiety attacks that I can remember started when I was a kid, maybe 7 or 8 years old. We had just gone through a fire safety course at school. When I went to bed that night, I started worry about my parents and scared that they would die in a fire. Then it was just being scared that they would die at any moment and leave us totally alone. I can remember just SOBBING in to my pillow every night for however long this went on. I don't recall if my parents reacted at all. I just remember the sheer fear that I felt over the potential of losing my parents.

I remember another panic attack that hit me back in the summer of 1994. I was in Sevilla, Spain with a couple of high school girlfriends for our Spanish trip. It was super hot that day and we found some crazy spanish boys that were jumping off a bridge into the water below to cool off. My girlfriends and I wanted to try it. They all jumped off with no problems but when it came my turn to jump, I froze. I couldn't do it. I was sick to my stomach and had to slowly back away from the edge of the bridge. I was shaking and trying my best not to cry.

Here I am now, fourteen years later with much more to say on the topic and many more experiences to share when it comes to AnXiety. I will leave it like this for now as I am exhausted and need to go to bed.

Later Sugars!



Stacia Howard said...

You're a fuckin goddess, Hunzer! Sorry I was so out of it when you texted me. Damn meds. I go to the Dr. today to ask for something else. I can't do xanax & function. Hit me up again so we can talk for real.

A J Doetkott said...

hugs to you m' girlfren' !!

it sucks, i know just how you feel. but you can call me up whenevs! i gots the balm !!

(Clearly my English and I have parted ways today :)

the real ~Roxann~ said...

Sarah...Fuck all those who give you shit. Anxiety is very real. I don't have "full-blown" attacks except very rarely. But, I often have little, as you say, blips. I hate them.

You know you can contact me any time, as well. Email me and I'll give you my cell #.


Cecelia---Sis---Mom said...

Anxiety bites. I can remember having attacks very young also. I would stay awake at night worried that our house would burn down because my sister had to have the bathroom light on all night.

I wish it were as easy to just deal with it and get over it as so many people think.