Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Hunzer Douchebaggery

Seven days in to my new job and I already have had to fill out an injury report.

Yes, I hurt myself at work today.

How does a Scheduler at an Oncology clinic get injured on the job you ask?


She is eating lunch in the breakroom, which is catered by a local Italian place on behalf of the drug reps. It's full of employees (maybe 20 people at the time).

She gets up to leave, has the newspaper and iPhone in one hand, her empty plastic plate in the other, when she steps on a piece of tortellini.

Her feet go out from under her and she drops faster than a whore at a sausage fest.

On the tile floor.

In front of a full breakroom. Did I mention it was full of people?

Since her hands are full, she catches her fall on her knees and elbows. She lands so hard and so fast, that her headband flips OFF her head and lands on her face, making her look like someone from Star Trek.

When she finally stands up after the shock and awe, she regains composure thinking "I can handle this", only to be told "Um, you have something on your nose".

It was a piece of a chopped pecan. There were pecans in the tortelli and apparently one flew off her plate and on to her nostril, thus making it look like a brown booger hanging off of her nose.

She has bruised elbows and knees, strained muscles in her upper back/right shoulder/right side of the neck, a completely shredded ego and rogue brusing showing up now, 11 hours later.

She had to fill out an injury report due to possible Workman's Comp issues on her seventh day of work.

Yes, she IS a rockstar.

The only thing that could have made this worse is that she could have shit her pants from the sheer shock of it all.

Laugh with me people...or I will cry.

~ xoxo ~


A J Doetkott said...

Oh my gosh! Babe, I know you're going to hurt for a couple days but I hope you heal fast. It's hard to not feel embarrassed but you know the first thought on any one's mind was: I hope she's okay! I'm so glad you didn't hit your head or break anything. Love you!

Wendylicious said...


I almost shit my pants from laughing!

Daisy Doodles said...

Poor Hunz. Hey, at least you weren't a douche and fell in the haunted house like I did last week-nice.

Hope your bruises heal as quickly sas mind did.

Joni said...

well I am totally laughing my ass off while trying to eat my lunch! I had to call my friend to tell her this and well it just isn't that funny when you try to read it someone so I told her to check it out in person and read some of your past posts and SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND! so yes, I am laughing, and I will read again and again!!

BUT, in all seriousioness (if that is even a word) I hope you are feeling okay!!


Candace said...

I'm laughing with you, Hunz. Thank God my co-worker is at lunch right now...

Feel better soon!


Amy said...

I am not only laughing at you, I just pissed my pants. That is too funny.

Poor thing. And you know all those people went home and told the story to their families, "Today in the break room, this chick..."

Feeling better?

the real ~Roxann~ said...

Poor thing! I feel so bad for you!! I would have been utterly horrified. One day you will look back and laugh. I promise. (But it probably won't be until after the bruise goes away!!)

*Southern Beall* said...

Shit girl! I hope you are ok! Totally sounds like something I would do. And that pride will get better, might be way longer than the black & blue heal though. ;)

CircesMagic said...

Shuddering, your story brought me back to my flip flop outside the meat market, except no one saw and I scored 2 bloody knees + an infection out of it, I DO feel your pain and like I thought when I fell, "Thank god you didn't mash your face!" Feel better!