It's time to re-name my blog.

Why?

I am no longer just going through life comfortably numb. I have found peace. I have found happiness. I have found courage. I have found love.

Finding these things has not been easy for me and I have disappointed people along the way. I finally decided to do things because *I* wanted to, not because it would make so-and-so happy.

Mr. Hunzer and I split up over a year-and-a-half ago. We had been having problems for 2-3 years before that, separating for a few months in the fall of 2005, but finally came to the agreement to just go our separate ways. We live two blocks apart from each other, we are co-parenting our kids and we are still friends. I still call/text him when I have something goofy to say and vice versa. We were basically friends and roommates for the last few years of our marriage. I'm glad we ended things when we did because it has made the last year and a half bearable. We do not resent each other but respect each other. It's nice for us...and really weirds people out who find out that we are no longer together but still get along. I will always love him. He is the father to my children. He is a wonderful, wonderful man and the 2nd greatest father I know (the first being my own dad, duh).

In August 2008 I started grad school online at the University of Phoenix. I'm getting my MBA in Healthcare Administration. It's definitely not easy. In fact, it is a HELL of a lot more difficult than I ever imagined. I only have a year left of school. After that, I may go for one more MBA in Marketing or something...might as well since I'll have the core MBA classes done.

In March 2009 I lost my job at the cancer center. I didn't get laid off. My stupid ass got fired. I was "late" too many times. Frankly I find their reasoning a crock of SHIT and I would LOVE to battle it out but I'm too heartbroken to care. I loved that job and loved my patients even more. I miss the patients terribly. I miss some of my coworkers terribly.

I spent 3 months off of work and doing the stay-at-home Mom thing again. Yuck. I did it for over 7 years before I got the job at the cancer center in October 2007. Being off of work for those three months showed me that I needed to get a job to keep my sanity. I love my babies more than life itself...but holy hell. I like adult interaction, money and freedom too.

I started my current job at the end of June as a Client Service Supervisor doing release-of-information for a large health care system in the Twin Cities. The best part? It's 2nd shift baby!! I don't start work until 3pm and finish at 11:30pm (at the earliest). I'm not a morning person AT ALL. I love my job so far. We are crazy busy and overtime is not an issue. Shit ~ I'll take time-and-a-half anytime!!

Did I mention that I have found love? Well, I have and cannot believe how lucky I am to have him in my life. He's everything to me. Best part? He loves my kids. Worst part? He's currently on deployment in the Western Pacific. Yep, he's in the Navy. This is his first deployment. He joined the navy at the beginning of this year...at the age of 29. He's wanted to do it for a while and finally did. We've known each other for a few years but reconnected earlier this year and BAM ~ wedding bells are ringing!

Oh, I forgot to mention that we are engaged?

YES WE ARE!!

We are going to do the long-distance thing until he is able to get out of the Navy (2013). He is stationed on a ship in San Diego. My ass is staying put in Minnesota. I love where I live and could never uproot the kids. Besides, I would never in a million years put Mr. Hunzer through that stress. It wouldn't be fair to anyone. The kids really like him and already have a ton of ideas for the wedding. I have a few ideas myself but I know this for sure ~ there isn't going to be a big blow-out wedding. In fact, there just may be an elopement first and then an official wedding a year or two down the road. Shhhh... Thing 1 says she already has a wedding present for me and Sailorman. She wants to be the flower girl. Thing 2 said he wants to walk me down the aisle. The Baby Boy Child will be the ring bearer. I've decided that I want both Thing 1 and Thing 2 to walk me down the aisle with the BBC carrying the rings right in front of us.


Mr. Hunzer is in a relationship too. I haven't met her but I hear good things about her. Mr. Hunzer seems very happy with her. She has nine-year-old son so my kids have a playmate when they hang out. I told Mr. Hunzer that as long as she is good to the kids AND to him, then I'm cool with it. The second she starts treating any of them badly, including Mr. Hunz, then I will stomp her guts out.

I'm just sayin'...

Enough babbling. I think it's high time for a photo update!!











New Ink #1 (mine is the right one, it's the kanji symbol for "love" on my left wrist. Sailorman's is the kanji symbol for "eternal" on his chest, over his heart):




New Ink #2 ~ It means "forever in my heart". The initials ACW are my stepdaughter's initials. The initials CAM are those of a friend who died in 1994 at the age of 14.






EEEP!!!



This last photo is very indicative of my life right now...



~ xoxo ~

Now, off to brainstorm a new name for the blog...

Quickie Update and Pictures Galore!

~ Started a new job on the 22nd. When they offered me this position, they offered me the supervisor position for the position that I actually interviewed for. Did that even make sense? Anyways, I work 2nd shift for a healthcare system in Minneapolis. I *heart* 2nd shift.

~ Kids are having a rough week.
Thing 1 has the stomach flu something fierce today. She's miserable.
Thing 2 has terrible allergies and they are making his eyes turn red, itch and puff out. Claritin helps a little but eye drops work wonders. It's just trying to get him to allow us to put in the eye drops that is the challenge.
The Baby Boy Child (aka, Stewie) fell on Sunday requiring stitches to close the cut on his chin. Instead of stitches, the ER doc decided to bond it shut. Now it's infected and will most likely need to be redone. Delicious.

~ I'm on a break from school until July 14th. THANK GOD. I was burnt out and my grade for my last class proves it. Sigh. Only one year left. I can do this.

~ The Boyfriend and I are no longer together.

~ That being said...I'm crazy in love. CRAZY IN LOVE. It's actually kind of gross. :) Let's just say we are smitten. Smitten kittens. (barf) He's in the Navy...and he's all mine. We've known each other for almost four years. This is it kids. He's my lobster. (seriously ~ doesn't it make you want to gag??) He and I have big plans. My Sailorman. *swoon*

Now for some pictures!!







































~xoxo~

Little random quickie...

My daughter (8) told me that she had a dream that half of her ring finger fell off. When she looked at it, there was corn and puke inside the stump.

Nice and descriptive...I'm raising her right!

~ xoxo ~

Hey fuckers...guess who's back???

That would be ME!!!

I realized I haven't updated this bitch in almost four months so believe me when I say that there is a whole lotta updates headed your way.

Want a quickie? Here you go:

I'm jobless. The lack of cash blows but the vegging on the deck in the sun during the day kicks ASS.
I'm still in grad school.
Thing 1 just turned 8.
Thing 2 is now 6 1/2. This kid...oye.
The Baby Boy Child (2.5) is cute as fuck but his tantrums are damn near exhausting.
I saw Staind for the 7th or 8th time on April 25th.
I will see Staind for the 8th or 9th time on July 2nd.
I'm job-hunting.
I'm studying.
I'm working out.
I'm trying to stay sane while I attempt this SAHM thing again. I have quickly realized that I do NOT like it. BTDT...I want to be in the working world again.
I have several ideas for little projects that I hope to get cracking on soon.
I've developed an insatiable appetitie for Coors Light and Starling Castle Riesing.


See you soon my pretties.

{ Conversation with a friend }

I opened up a new bottle of vitamins the other morning and they smelled HORRIBLE.

Me: "Oh my god these smell like SHIT!!"

Friend: "Well don't make me smell them!"

Me: "I won't but I have to put these things in my mouth."

Friend: "I know you've had worse things in your mouth."

Me: "Yeah but at least those taste good!"

Friend: "Ewww...maybe if it's covered in chocolate."

Me: "It could be if you stick it in the wrong hole."


~ xoxo ~

{ Just a Quickie}

Tonight during our nice, quiet sit-down dinner, my six-year-old son asks my seven-year-old daughter...

"Which of your boogers is your favorite?"

Before she could answer, he answered it himself with...

"Mine are the ones that shoot out towards the tv."


WTF???

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Merry Christmas everyone!!!




xoxo

Randoms...

~ First of all, if you are in to creative and crafty shit, then check out this link for tons of handmade ornament ideas. A couple of us girls are making ornaments to sell at our clinic to raise money for our Relay for Life team. I know we don't do the Relay until July but we raise money all year for it. I think I might try to make a few of the paper ones this weekend.

~ Speaking of the weekend, my goal is to get most of my studying done by Friday night so I can be creative on Saturday. I think I'm going to make my Xmas cards this year. The one positive things about a divorce? You don't have to send out as many Xmas cards!! Just kidding ~ Pickleman is still very much a part of my life and I'll be sending out cards to everyone on last year's list. I'll just make him pay for the postage if my ass is going to make the cards.

Then again, I may just go the photocard route and decide to get creative next Christmas.

~ I have a great picture of the Triple Threat for our Xmas card. When they are all getting along, they can be so sweet! They were definitely in friendship mode the night I took this photo. I don't want to spoil it for those family and friends that read my blog (which I think might be, oh, 4 people) so I won't post it.

~ I'm hungry.

~ I am doing everything I can *not* to study at this moment.

~ If you are up for something mindless, go to You Tube and do a search on "Friends Bloopers". If you were a Friends fan back in the day, you'll get sucked in to Friends clips for hours.

xoxo

{ In Love }

Meet Dewey.
The Boyfriend's new dog.
Is he not ADORABLE??
He's a Labradoodle.
So soft and cuddly.
Even has puppy breath.
I'm in love!!












~ xoxo~

HI-friggin-LARIOUS!!

My Mom sent this to me. Remember "Elf Yourself" from last Christmas? She did it this year with photos of her, my Dad and my three kids. I watched it a few minutes ago and just about pissed myself. My kids were laughing their asses off with HUGE belly laughs!!

Disco Elves

Seriously ~ Watch it. It's a riot!

~ xoxo ~

{ Cunundrum }

Should I stay home alone tonight with my sad heart and my dark house


~ OR ~


Meet my group of girlfriends out for drinks (I've known them since middle school)??


Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....


Methinks the girlfriends can kick depression's ass!!!




Why do I have a sad heart?
Amanda.
Holidays can be hard.
Holidays ARE hard.
Couple that with working next to death on a daily basis.
This time of year just seems harder than last year.



Thanksgiving Day plans: Dinner with the family at a country club in the late morning (does that really quantify as "dinner"??, play wii all afternoon long at my parent's house then work at the hospital for four hours.



Crafty Update: Remember that one time I used to scrappbook and shit? Yeah. That was cool.
Actually, I went in to my garage two nights ago and took my scrapbook stuff out of storage. It's been put away almost nine months. I made some super cute xmas ornaments to sell at work as a fundraiser for our Relay for Life team. Even sold a couple already!
I'm knitting again too. I'm off school until next week so I started making mittens for Thing 1. I finished one and am on the cuff of the other. Hopefully I'll finish it this weekend. I would like to make her a matching hat and scarf but that most likely won't happen. Once school starts, I'm fucked.

Yeah.

I said fucked.

*wink*



Now for some photo updates!!














My digi point-n-shoot camera has been out of commission for almost six months so I'm severely lacking on the photos. I'm hoping to send it out to get fixed soon. I hate not having a camera at all times!!! I'm too paranoid to bring my digital SLR to the bar and shit. *wink*


Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

~xoxo~

{ Ugly }

The Boyfriend and I on Halloween...quite possibly the ugliest couple on the planet! I nicknamed him "Beatrice" for the night. I went as a 70s gym teacher, complete with my balls hanging out of my shorts.






Awwww Bea...You're so pretty!!!




Bea was trying to prove her manliness.





The lipstick. The wig. The torn fishnets. Could she BE any hotter??? I love that he did this. He was nervous about going out in public like that but he did it. That means a lot to me. *swoon*


Quick life update:

Work is crazy busy. My part-time job is just that...very part-time. It's actually a casual position at the hospital across the street from my FT job. I pick up shifts when I want to. School is insanely difficult. I'm almost done with my second class. I'm taking a few weeks off before starting my next one so I can breathe, do some Xmas shopping, and just be. Kids are happy, healthy (minus one with a cold) and adorable as ever.

*muah*

~ xoxo ~

{Chilly}

BRRRRR!

I just got home from a 90 minute motorcycle ride. It was not a warm ride. It was in the mid-50s and very windy. I was cozy and bundled up, including my helmet. It was nice to have some fresh air after my stressful week.

I enjoyed looking at the fall foliage while breathing in the crisp fall air through my helmet's wind vents, snuggled up to the on-again-off-again boyfriend (who is close to becoming the on-again type). I know, I know...I have relationship A.D.D.

I hope everyone is doing well. It's amazing what 24 hours can do to your psyche. Last night I was sad, called my Mom crying, sat with my next door neighbor and cried while she also cried...

Today I'm smiling and enjoying the smell of beautiful lillies on my kitchen table.

~ xoxo ~

{Blue}.

That is my heart tonight.

How can I love my job so much yet hate it with every ounce of my being? I work at a cancer clinic. I've been there exactly one year. I love my job. I feel like I have found my niche.

But I hate that I have a job because of cancer.

I hate that I meet these absolutely wonderful, uplifting people every day and know that there is nothing I can do to medically help them. I hate that cancer is killing Moms, Dads, sisters, brothers, grandparents, friends, and strangers. I fucking HATE IT.

We have a patient right now that is in the fight of her life. She is young, has young children, has a wonderful husband...and is in the fight of her life. I'm scared for her. I'm scared for her babies. I'm scared for her husband. I'm angry for her. I cannot stop thinking about her. She's my age. Her children are the same age as mine. She's got a beautiful smile, a beautiful family and a wonderful attitude.

I wish that I could detach myself from the patients like some of the people at the clinic. I can't. Every patient has a story. Every patient is loved by someone. Every patient is fighting for their life. I can't help but get attached to them.

When cancer defeats them, my heart breaks. It breaks over and over again on a daily basis.

I want to drop-kick cancer in its balls.


~ xoxo ~

I got a giggle from these kittehs.

My new favorite Obama picture!!

Cracks my ass up.