*Blink, Blink*

Holy shit ~ Has it been three weeks since I have last blogged? Jeebus H Chrimmas in a chicken basket! To be honest, I've sat down to blog a few times but had nothing much to say. Tonight isn't much better. I happen to have a Friday night at home with no husband and the kids sound asleep in bed. I thought to myself...

"Self, either go blog something or lay in bed and catch up on tivo."

Then I said, "Self, let's do both." And here we are. :)

Have I mentioned how much I love my job? Absolutely love it. Love it love it love it. I love it for many reasons but here's one that happened today...

We had a new patient come in with breast cancer and needs radiation. After our CT girls did the radiation planning scan on this woman, she and her husband came and sat at my desk while we figured out her start date for her radiation treatments.
This couple was in the mid-to-upper seventies and just so sweet. They run a "Cattery" out of their home (it's like a kennel where dogs are raised).

I chatted with this elderly couple while getting their radiation treatments scheduled. They were so fun and so talkative. They showed pictures of the cats so everybody ooooh'd and aaaaaaaah'd over them. The husband was so sweet to his wife, taking care of her, helping her get dressed in her wheelchair, etc. You could tell he loved her very much even after all the years they have been married.

This was one example of how much I am loving my job...it's because I love my patients!!


Another example of why I love my job is here. I work with a girl named H every day. H and I are two little peas in a pretty little pod.

Now, I have this phobia about pooping at work. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because the staff bathroom is right next to my desk? I don't know. All of the Radiation people use it, including H and myself. It's only one toilet. There is no hiding if you stink it up.

I had Quizno's for lunch yesterday and it wreaked havoc on my belly. It came to the point where I couldn't take it any longer so I attempted to crap at work.

I couldn't do it. I got the stage fright.

About 10 minutes later, I had no choice. I go back in the bathroom and follow our rules of "pooping at work".

First you pretreat. I sprayed our Air Intrusions air freshner before anything. It smells really good ~ like clean clothes. ;)

Second, when you sit down, you must sit all the way back on the toilet to prevent streaks.

Third, as soon as it lands in the water, you flush. You do this as many times as possible to try and keep the shit smell to a minimum.

When finished, you spray the area again and make sure there is no residue from your attack on the toilet (or "residon't", if you get my drift).

I follow the rules of the bathroom and end up in there for about 10 minutes. When I come out, H looks at me with these wide eyes, a devious smile on her mug and says "Dude...you okay? I thought I had to break the door down to make sure you didn't pass out on the shitter."

Ha Ha very funny motha fucka.

I walked around my desk, grab my chair to sit down and find this sitting on my chair:



And this is why I'm constantly calling H an asshole. *wink*

After I composed myself from laughing so damn hard, we decided to put this specimen on the floor of the staff bathroom and see what happens. Yes, we are juvenile as hell but it was Friday afternoon for fuck's sake!

The reactions from people were hilarious. Most of them thought it was actual poop, one thought it was cake (WTF?) but it was three tootsie rolls mashed together in a piece of TP.

Love that girl, H. She is awesome!


I will leave you with my latest favorite video from You Tube...It's Travis Barker's remix of Flo Rida's "Low". It's fuckin' SWEET.



~xoxo~

Okay, Seriously.

How friggin' CUTE is this? This is the Baby Boy Child late, late, LATE on Xmas Day night (like 1 am late because of the excitement of the previous two days).




If that doesn't tickle your innards, then you are evil. You have no soul!! I mean shit...the snorts alone are priceless!

(Yeah, I know my couch is messy. Don't judge me.)

~ xoxo ~

I'm boring today.

I'm sitting in my office chair, getting a back massage from this Homemedics back massager thingy that my nanny is letting me use. I think I'm in love with it. I could sit here all friggin' day!

However, Thing 2 just came in from playing outside in the snow and is requesting lunch. This is good because I honestly have nothing funny to say today. I'm tired and need a little more sleep.

I give you my favorite LOLCats from the last week:









~ xoxo ~

Let's revisit one of my favorite comedians, shall we?

I had a date last night with one of my best friends, Annex. We just hung out at my place, noshed on some popcorn, chatted away and watched Dave Attel's Insomniac Tour. Why that one?

Because of our boyfriend, Dane Cook.

Seriously ~ Go rent his stand-up DVDs. You will shed a tear from laughter and maybe even a dribble in your shorts.

I've got a few favorite clips I'm gonna share but first, my little gift to Annex...


I'M A DRAGON!!!














The true Dane fans will appreciate this last one!







~ xoxo ~

Busted. Again.

I was dancing during our Halloween party while making a bunch of peanut butter and jelly sammies for the kids. One of the people there was taking pictures of it, or so I thought.

Turns out she was videotaping it.

I present to you, the Hunzer Peanut Butter Dance.

Isn't this effin' adorable??

I bought it today for my work's Christmas party. The theme is Ugly Sweater. I really struggled to find one ugly enough; however, sequins and the 3-D effect won my heart.

You know you're jealous.


~ xoxo ~

A couple cute pics from last night...

Here are two from Mister Hunzer last night...





~ xoxo ~

Up to my eyeballs in shit. I need to ramble.

Who knew poop would be such a potent part of my life??

There is some nasty stomach bug going through my kids and it's killing me! My house smells like puke and poop. Wanna come over and hang out?

I feel terrible because Thing 1 has her Holiday Dance Recital tonight. We won't be going. She's gonna be pissed when she finds out. This stomach thing seems pretty contagious so I don't want to risk infecting an entire high school auditorium of people!

Mister Hunzer is out with Thing 2 for the night. He is taking him to the Monster Truck show with a neighbor and his kid. Thing 1 won't be pleased about this either but hey...she's got a little surprise coming her way next weekend. I'm taking her, a neighbor and the neighbor's daughter to High School Musical on Ice. The girls don't know we are taking them and won't find out until we get there. Thing 1 and her friend will lose their effin' MINDS!

I went to happy hour last night with my brother. We closed her down. Oops. The coolest part? Well, it goes a little something like this...

My brother, his girlfriend and I are sitting at the bar when my brother points to this guy across the way and says "Do you recognize that guy?"

I could only see his profile so I was like "No you douchebag...I don't."

He says "Look again asshole."

Then I saw his full face and said "Holy shit ~ That's Jack Morris!" Then I decided it couldn't be him so I went up and started talking. Sure enough, it was Jack.

Jack Morris pitched for the Twins in the '91 World Series. I've written about my love for the MN Twins before and it's still there. My parents had tickets for the '91 Series home games but I couldn't go because I was grounded. Again. Missing the World Series has scarred me for life. ;)

Anyways, I introduced myself, they invited us to sit and we just hung out. At least, I think they invited us to sit. Who knows. It was late and I had been there a while. ;) Very down to earth guy, smart as hell and fun. A very cool night for this MN Twins fan. I have no pictures or autographs as proof. I didn't want any. We were just drinking beer and hanging out. Although I wasn't impressed with his beer of choice ~ it was Bud Light. That's just nasty. ;)

Time for me to blow outta here and get some shit done around the house like laundry, wrapping Xmas presents and cleaning. That is actually code for "I'm going to go snuggle on the couch with Thing 1 and the Baby Boy Child and not do a damn thing!!"

~ xoxo ~

That crazy lady crying in the middle of Perkins? Yeah...that was me.

Something happened tonight that had me crying not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES while we were out to dinner with the kids.

It even made my Mom cry when I told her the story.


I didn't get home from work until 7pm because I stayed late and then had to run to my daughter's school for her conferences.

I get home and the kids are starving. DH and I are blah because we have to go pay for and pick up our car from the dealership because I broke it. (I didn't break it...the garage jumped out in front of ME when I was backing out!!) It snowed again today so the roads suck rocks.

We get to Perkins and get comfortable in a nice corner booth (if you aren't familiar with Perkins, it's like a Denny's, Embers, etc). When my 6yo daughter realizes that she is not sitting next to me, she has an absolute fit. She was exhausted (she gets up for school at 6am) and just lost her freakin' mind. She cried for about 15 minutes because she couldn't sit by me. I calmly explained to her that she couldn't act like this, yadda yadda yadda. I wasn't going to give in to her hissy fit and attitude either.

DH took her to the other side of the restaurant to try to calm her down and get her to relax to no avail.

I decided to try. At this point, we were planning to get our food boxed up as soon as it got there, get the kids home and put them all to bed.

She and I go to this quiet spot in the restaurant and just snuggled on the bench for a few minutes. I got her to calm down and explained that her behavior was inappropriate and why, explained why hissy fits aren't appropriate, etc. She was finally calm.

As we were walking back, I saw a man who looked exactly like Santa Claus (minus the red suit and hat). I pointed him out to my daughter and said "Who do you think that could be?"

Her eyes lit up, the frown was gone and girlfriend was AMAZED. Here, at Perkins in our little town, was SANTA CLAUS HIMSELF eating dinner!! She couldn't believe it.

We got back to our table and she started telling my 5yo son about it. He just HAD to see for himself so I got up and walked them over to the area where "Santa" was eating his dinner. I didn't want them to bother him but I did tell them they could peek.

It was so cute ~ they would walk up, peek around the booth, and then come back just wide-eyed and SO HAPPY that they saw Santa. They started talking about how his "deers" are up on the roof and waiting for him to finish. The entire time they were peeking at him, he didn't look up and make eye contact, smile or anything. I was hoping he wasn't mad but also figured he was used to it. I mean, dude looks EXACTLY like Santa...glasses, beard and all.

We get back to our table and it's like a totally different family. Everyone is happy and giggly, my daughter forgot that she was mad because she wasn't sitting by me, and DH and I were in an awesome mood because of how funny the kids were in regards to "Santa".

Our server had seen the kids sneaking peeks at Santa so I told her what was going on. His presence alone changed the course of our dinner from crappy and moody to fun and festive. I told her that we wanted to pay his bill because of this.

She left and then came back with his bill. She said that she didn't tell him we were buying his dinner but she DID tell him that he made a little girl's night. His response? "Noooo...she made my night."

*Cue crying episode #1*

As we were leaving, the kids wanted to walk by "Santa" again and wave goodbye. He waves us over and starts pulling something off of his key ring.

He says to my daughter "I don't have my santa bag here but I wanted to give you this for making me smile. It's a Shield of Faith."

It has a cross inscribed on the front and has some scripture (at least, I think it's some sort of scripture) in the back that says:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

*Cue crying episode #2*

He then hands it over to my daughter and thanks us for making his night. Our server was watching the whole thing and was also grinning ear-to-ear. She said that we totally made her night as well.

My kids were ecstatic. I mean, first they see Santa eating dinner and then he gives them this? They were so happy.

We got in the van and started driving away when I decided to call my Mom and tell her about it. As I finished the story, I was crying all over again (crying jag #3) and then heard my Mom crying. She denied it but I could tell.

I'm telling you ~ that little experience tonight just warmed my heart. My kids couldn't stop talking about Santa and I feel like I witnessed something amazing.

I love good people.

(Crap ~ cue crying jag #4!!)


Here is a picture of the shield. Sure it's beat up but it was on his key ring! I told the kids that I would make a necklace out of it and they could share it.





I'm going to google this Shield of Faith to get some background on it. I just had to share this story. We aren't a very religious family but man...this just touched my heart!!

Picture Share!!

It's about that time ~ time for recent photos, my friends!
















And the UGLY-ASS BOOTS award goes to...ME!! These are sooooo warm and super comfy yet they are, by far, the UGLIEST damn boots on the planet. I love them and they are ALL MINE!! We got about 8 inches of snow on Saturday...I need these bad boys now.






Can't forget the video of the Baby Boy Child walking!! He freaking WALKS people! He's no longer a baby. Oddly enough, I want my uterus back so I can have another one. Do you think they do that? *wink* By the way, don't mind the clothes. Dad dressed him that day. LOL




It's 2am. Time to go to bed. Or, BACK to bed as I slept once already tonight from 6pm to midnight. Oops.

~ xoxo ~

My favorite song of the moment...

(Grab a tissue people...it's amazing)

"Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World

It brings me to my Amanda. *tears* I love it. I love to reconnect with her in any way possible.

It also makes me think of friends or family who have lost loved ones close to them. It's just such a beautiful song.

Here's an a capella version of it on this You Tube video ~ if you are a Law & Order SVU fan, you will love this. If not, just close your eyes and listen.



*sniff* God I love this song.

~ xoxo ~

Hey thanks, kid.

I was snuggling in bed with Thing 1 and Thing 2 last night when Thing 2 looks at me, points to my boobs and says:

"They are just like mountains Momma...up and down and up and down!"


Gotta love that kid. He's five years old and the things that come out of his mouth at times is devine! Or...not.

Another example:

He walks by my bathroom the other day and sees me pull down my pants. He stops, starts giggling and says "your butt wiggles when you pull your pants down!"

Again...thanks, kid.


This is the same adorable boy that, a few weeks ago, told me that I had a "yummy butt".

I said "What? I have a yummy butt?"

He says "Yes you do because it's so big and squishy!!"


I swear to the holy heavens that my ass is not THAT big. Yes, I have junk in my budunkadunk but damn...I'm not hauling a tractor trailor!!


Sigh. He's lucky he's cute. *wink*


~ xoxo ~

{ Ew. }

I had a dream last night that I was performing on stage with Britney and we both accidentally flashed our "lady gardens".

Our piss flaps.

Our beef drapes.

You know what I'm sayin'.


I'm scared. Someone hold me.

See that dumbass in yellow?

That's me.

There might be a little bit of pee dribbling down my leg, too.














(See that rickety ass tower in the back? We zipped to it. Yeah.
Now you understand the whole "pee-dribble" issue.)


I also rapelled into a cave with my BFF Estrella. ;) I don't rockclimb. I don't rapell. If you have ever read this blog, you know that I fall with ease. This was hard as hell...scary too. I liked it.






After the rapelling adventure, we went snorkeling in a cenote ~ a freshwater area in a cave. Before we got in the water, our guide told us that it was cold but we couldn't be loud about it.

Why?

Because we would wake the bats.

There were fucking BATS in there.

And they DID wake up.

I'm sitting in this freezing ass water with a snorkel on my face thinking "I could conquer my fear of icky things that live in the water by keeping my face in or I could keep my face out of the water, get bit by an angry bat and die of rabies like the dude in MN a few weeks ago."

I kept my face in the water as much as possible.




I conquered a few fears that day ~ heights with the ziplines and rapelling, and water/bats with the cenote shit.


Oh, and I let this little beauty crawl up my arm...




Yes, she's as big as she looks. Meet "Spidey".
I have no photos of her crawling up my arm but I do have a video of it.
(*ahem, Ron...)


~ xoxo ~

PS...I'm well aware of the ginormous camel-toe that I'm sporting. Hey man ~ you try be harnessed to a wire, flying through the air in the mo'fo' jungle and see how nice your vajayjay looks when you are done!!

PPS...After a day like this, we need several shots of this!

No time to talk ~ just a quick picture share.

Damn work. It's taking up all my free time! A few quickies from Mexico.






Where we spent the majority of our time ~ in the pool and at the pool bar:




We started with six, ended with 12 in our group. Crazies attract crazies, I guess. :)




More to come in a few days when we get through this whole Thanksgiving stuff. :)

~xoxo~

Mama's Home kids. Mama's Home.

She's home but she's not happy about it.

I had soooooooo much fun you guys!! SO MUCH. I have a lot of stories to tell and many pics to share.

I just wanted to let my blog-kids know that I am home.

*smooches*

Quote, Unquote...

I just got this in my email from a friend of mine that I will be in Mexico with.
(Wow ~ that ^^ was some SHITCAN grammar right there).


This was in regards to her own personal waxing experience from last night. She sums it up perfectly!

This evening I had the hair ripped out of my arm pits and off of my
vagine. Can I just say 'WHAT THE FUCK WOULD POSSESS ME TO DO THAT?'
Ouch. I couldn't even fathom the idea of having my asshole pubes
ripped out after she so viciously tore chunks of hair off of my outer
labia. I couldn't do it. But, I will have one rockin pussy for the
trip. :-)


(I wouldn't let that hot wax near my browneye either...no thanks! I made sure she steered clear of the taint as well. I will not jeopardize my taint for ANYTHING.)

Dudes. I AM SO EXCITED!!

And it has NOTHING to do with Mexico.

It's because of THIS...




Dane Cook's new CD/DVD, "Rough Around the Edges" drops on November 13th.

Annex ~ Do I sense a date night here???

Gots to go wash the hair dye outta my hair.

(Now I have that fucking flute melody stuck in my head!!)


~ xoxo ~


PS...I *am* CRAZY hyper about Mexico. WOOT!

Waxing ~ Round 2

So I got the lady garden waxed on Monday night.

Tonight saw the removal of the leg hair, the armpit hair and the 'stache.

The legs were only painful around the ankles. When I say "painful", I mean "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK that hurts!!" The rest was no big thing.

The armpits were uncomfortable but a necessary evil.

The 'stache is the 'stache. I don't want to blend in with the hombres down in Mexico, if ya get my drift.

Oh, I didn't mention I'm going to Mexico? Yes. I'm going to Mexico. It's going to be DEVINE!!!

Hence the Hairless Hunzer.

xoxo

{ Owie }

My vagina hurts.




Yes, I said it.




My vagina hurts.




I got waxed for the first time tonight. Instead of bikini, I went for brazilian.




I want to stuff a bag of frozen peas down the front of my pants.




That's all.