Comfortably Numb

Seriously.

I look back on 2009 and think "wow...I never expected it to turn out like it did!"

I've been reading 2009 recaps on the 50 or so blogs that I read and decided that I should do one. Not because everyone else is but because a) I barely blogged this past year and b) I really *am* surprised about the outcome of 2009!

My memory is complete SHIT and since I can't remember what I had for lunch today, I highly doubt I will remember every major moment of 2009. I'll try my best. :)

~ JaNuArY ~

Um, yeah...can't quite remember much about this month. It was a year ago. I remember it was cold. Oh, and my baby brother turned 25 years old.

I was in my fifth month of grad school and am happy to say that I only have 4 classes to go, with the first of that four starting tomorrow. WOOT!

Oh yeah -- I found out this month that I had 3 herniated disks in my neck. Two were healing and one was herniated. Let's just say that was painful. I visited an orthopedic surgeon who was talking about a double-fusion in my neck. Sorry G but nobody is sticking a knife in my neck or near my fucking spinal column. I'm just sayin'. Normally I would be all for surgery but this one just freaked me out. It was time to think of alternative options.

~ fEbRuArY ~

I started going to a chiropractor this month. Don't recall much about it...just that he is hot and reminds me of Jack Bauer. Of course, now I know him much better and no longer think that about him but my daughter still calls him Jack. ;)

February 13th consisted of me getting completely, ridiculously wrecked. I was so anxious about February 14th that I drowned my sorrows in everything I could get my hands on that night. My poor boyfriend at the time had his hands full taking care of my dumb, drunk ass.

February 14th was the 3-Year anniversary of Amanda's death. Three years. I know that 3 years is a LOT of time but I still feel like it was yesterday. Even with everything that has changed in my life, it still feels fresh.

February 21st was and IS the best day of the entire year. Why? 'Cuz it's my birthday, numnuts!! I turned 32 this year but I feel 22. I'll never grow up.

This same day, my brother, some friends and I did our 3rd annual Polar Plunge for Special Olympics in honor of Amanda. Yes, our dumb-Minnesotan-asses jumped into a lake in the middle of February. I'm not gonna lie. It was f.u.c.k.i.n.g. cold. It doesn't matter how much booze I put down before that jump...you can't fool your body that jumping into a frozen lake won't hurt. It was for a good cause though and I'm going to do it again this year!

~ MaRcH ~

March started off good...and ended horribly. I lost my job on March 30th. Yep. My dumb ass got fired. It was the first time I've ever been fired from a job and it will be the last time. It was awful. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't absolutely love my job but I did, and it sucked monkey taint.

The night I got fired, I got drunk. I think that's what you're supposed to do when you get drunk. Anyway, I made my bestie, StankAss, meet me at the bar after she got off work. When she walked in, I had been there for two hours already drinking wine. When I saw her I just burst in to tears. She gave me a big hug and I said "God I'm such a loser!!" She says to me "No honey, you're not a loser. You're just ugly."

I busted out laughing and ended up having a blast. Only your best friends can turn a shitcan situation like that into a party. ;)

~ ApRiL ~

Jobless. Boring.
But it got warmer outside!

StankAss turned 29 this month. We celebrated by going up north and seeing Staind in concert. Staind...I know, weird! They played at this little casino in Walker, MN and it.was.AWESOME. My love for Aaron Lewis will never die.

~ MaY ~

Jobless. Boring.
It got warmer.

My daughter turned 8 years old on May 3rd. She's so much fun right now even though she's a drama queen. Holy shit though...remind me to never, ever, EVER have another slumber party at my house EVER again. The first hour of the damn thing was sheer drama between ten 8-year-old's. Ask my girlfriends. I have witnesses.

Mid-May I got a phone call that absolutely changed my life. You see, I reconnected with an old friend in February after I found out he joined the Navy and left for bootcamp. We hadn't spoken in almost a year...and it was two years before that.

I wrote this friend a letter when he was in bootcamp and he wrote back. We wrote back and forth during bootcamp and when he graduated, he called me when he got to "A" school. We talked and texted now and then while he was in "A" school. About mid-May, he told me he was returning to MN at the end of the month for his two weeks of leave. I told him that if he needed a ride home from the airport, to give me a call. I didn't think he needed one and certainly didn't expect him to call.

The last week of May he text messaged me and asked me if my offer was still open. On Friday May 29th, about 11pm, I was sitting in the baggage claim area of the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport, waiting for my Navy boy. I was nervous. I hadn't seen him in almost a year and I had all these stupid unresolved feelings for him.

He came up behind me and asked me for a lighter. He looked SO HANDSOME in his uniform that I could barely speak. I was so nervous but gave him a huge hug and did everything I could not to cry. We went from the airport to the bar where we met up with his sister and some of their friends for a few beers.

May 30th consisted of me and one of my best girlfriends celebrating the 1 year anniversary of our favorite bar being in business. ;) We started at noon and shut it down at 2am but I digress...I had text messaged my Navy boy and told him he was welcome to come out and party with us but he had other plans. He asked if we could get together the next day and hang out. I said "of course!"

Well, he came over that wonderful last day in May and that was it. We spent the entire next two weeks together.

~ JuNe ~

Early June...still jobless. Not as boring. Getting warm outside. I hate heat.

Found out that my baby brother and his girlfriend are having a baby!! I'm going to be an Auntie!

Navy boy left for San Diego on June 14th. That day sucked ass. I was so sad. We immediately made plans for me to come out mid-July and spend a weekend with him.

The kids finished school -- Thing 1 put 2nd grade behind her and Thing 2 put kindergarten behind him. Thing 1 and Thing 2 go to a Spanish-immersion school and it can be a struggle at times. Thing 1 was a little behind on her english reading skills and her math so we decided to send her to summer school. She was PISSED.

I started my current job on June 22nd. I'm the supervisor of a group that does medical records release-of-information for a large health care corporation in the Twin Cities. ROI was new to me and wow...there was a LOT to learn. I took the evening shift, which had me working 3pm to 11:30pm.

I had the kids Monday through Friday during the day until noon or so and then the nanny would show up so I could get ready for work. It was hard not to see them during the weeknights. But I had my mornings with them.

~ JuLy ~

Had a job. Had to learn a whole new routine.

Celebrated the 4th of July with my partner-in-crime, StankAss, and our kids. It was nice, low key and a lot of fun.

The morning of July 11th began with me getting my ass on a plane and heading to San Diego to see my Navy boy. By this point we were desperately missing each other, texting 800 times a day and sending sappy ass love emails, texts and letters to each other. We seriously would make you vomit with how sappy and gross we are. He and I laugh all the time that we hate couples like us. Seriously. It's that gross...but he's my baby and I *heart* him!

*gag*

I landed in San Diego, found my way to baggage claim, and ran into his arms the minute I laid eyes on him. We spent that day tooling around San Diego, having lunch, enjoying the warmth, hanging out on North Island, and just enjoying each other. I even got to go on his ship -- a nuclear aircraft carrier. I'm claustrophobic and made it about 10 minutes on that beast before I wanted to leave.

That night, the 11th, shaped our future. My Navy boy proposed to me. I was caught completely off guard and will not repeat what I said when I saw the ring. Okay, I will. He put his arm around me and my eyes were closed. When I opened them, this shiny thing was in my face and I said "what the FUCK is that?"

Yes, romantic. I know this.

I squealed, cried, and yelled YES!!

The rest of the weekend is a blur. We just enjoyed each other. We got pictures taken on La Jolla beach and I am so glad that we did because...

I had to go home on July 13th.

And then he deployed on July 31st. He was supposed to be gone six months, returning at the end of January 2010. Now it's the end of March or early April. It could be longer thanks to that giant douchbag from Nigeria who tried to blow up the plane in Detroit on Xmas Day. He's floating around the oceans in the middle east area while his ship provides air support to the war in Afghanistan. Hey -- I'm not telling you anything the ship's website isn't telling you...and I'm even more vague. ;) When I ask him what ocean he is in, his answer is "one of them". I forget that he can't tell me shit.

~ AuGuSt ~

Dammit it's hot! I hate this shit.

The kids went to Lake Tahoe with their dad and his parents to visit his family. They had a blast. I missed them like crazy but talked to them every single day. They were gone 10 days. It was so hard not to have them here. Their dad and I live 2 blocks apart and since we are still good friends, we are always swinging by each other's places to see the kids when the other parent has them. Good lord...did that make sense? You get my drift.

I spent a lot of time hanging outside with my neighbor on our "stoop", drinking Coors LIght and watching the kids play for hours on end. We had water balloon fights, played in sprinklers, barbequed...all that good summer fun.

The MN State Fair rolled around at the end of August so you know what that means -- deep fried pickles. StankAss and I took our kids to the Fair, fed them full of shitty fair food and swore never to go to the fair with kids again. I'm not big on crowds. Neither is StankAss. Add four tired kids to the mix and it was hell by the end.

NavyBoy had been gone 31 days.
~ SePtEmBeR ~

Thing 1 and Thing 2 started school. This meant that I no longer saw them during the week because they left for school at 7am, before I was awake, and didn't get home until 3pm, which is when I had to be to work. It was really hard on us but my ex-husband helped me out huge by keeping them during the weeknights so I could work. I started missing them a lot and would try to see them on the weekends that I didn't have them if I could. Their dad spends a lot of time about 30 minutes south of here at his girlfriend's house on those weekends so it was hard to see the kids.

It's FALL!! My favorite time of year. There's just something about fall that makes my heart smile.

OH! My brother and his girlfriend found out that they are having a girl. *squeal!!*

NavyBoy had been gone 61 days by the end of the month.

~ oCtoBeR ~

October began with the Baby Boy Child turning THREE years old. THREE!

Thing 2 turned SEVEN years old. SEVEN!

Halloween was in there.

Life was getting very overwhelming with work, the kids and school. I trucked through it though.

92 days.

~ NoVeMbEr ~

Oddly enough, it was still beautiful outside! There was no snow on the ground and we had temps in the 50s and 60s. It didn't feel like November. It felt like September. I wasn't complaining. I hate being hot and I hate being cold. Between 60 and 70 degrees is perfect for me.

My Grandma died on November 15th. I feel so blessed because I was with her by her bedside for the last 4 days she was alive. We all were. My Grandma and Grandpa had 9 kids...my mom being one of them. Eight of the nine kids are/were married and have kids. Some of those kids have kids. Do the math. There are a lot of us.

My Grandma had Alzheimer's and I.hate.that.fucking.disease. It was awful watching her in her last days. She was a shell of what she used to be. It broke my heart to see her so weak, so sick, and so close to death. I watched my Grandpa during this time and for the first time, I really saw how much he loved her. They were married just over 61 years. SIXTY-ONE years. Just, wow. During her funeral, I watched my Grandpa and just cried and cried for him. He misses her so much.

Thanksgiving was spent with my Mom, Dad, my brothers and their girlfriends. It wasn't so much the holiday but being with each other after what we just went through with my Grandma.

122 days.

~ dEcEmBeR ~

Started off warm. Ended colder than shit.

I lost a dear friend to a horrible, tragic train accident. The timing, the tragedy, everything about it is so sad and still leaves me breathless when I think about it. Her family is forever in my heart as they try to get through their new "normal" without her.

We got a HUGE snowstorm on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day that gave us about 10" to 12" of snow. Not a big deal in MN but it usually doesn't come all at once...especially for the first snowfall of the month AND on a holiday. I love driving in snow so it made the commute to and from work a little more exciting. It's the little things...

We went through organizational changes at work. I was very skeptical at first but it turns out, 3 weeks later, that I'm loving it. First of all, my hours have changed and now I work 10:00am to 6:30pm. If you know me at all, you will know that these are PERFECT hours for me. I am NOT a morning person but I can handle a 10am start time.

I'm also the day and evening supervisor, which is why my hours are funky. I need to overlap both shifts. My new boss and I think the same way and because of that, we work extremely well together and my workload has increased tenfold. It's overwhelming but I love what I do so I have no complaints. Plus the overtime isn't bad. ;)

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day came and went. My brother turned 31 on Xmas Eve. New Year's Eve was a blast. I went out with StankAss and we tore it up. It was the first time in 7 years that I had gone OUT on New Year's Eve. We may have overindulged but we stayed safe, didn't drive and danced like a bunch of douchers.

When it hit midnight and was officially 2010, I breathed a sigh of relief. This was a year of changes but for some reason, I just wanted to get through the holidays this year. I loved celebrating them but it was just so stressful with everything else I had going on. I made sure the kids had a great Xmas though. That's all that matters.

My NavyBoy has now been gone 153 days...158 if you count up to today.

~ January 2010 ~

Told you that was a year of changes! When I sat down to write this post, I didn't expect to write a novel. I expected to write about 10 bullet points but as I started writing, memories started to come back and I couldn't stop. I know it's boring to read about somebody else's life but writing this down has helped me remember some things that I didn't blog about but jotted down for journaling later.

2010 will bring about even more changes and I hope, I know, for the better. I've been waiting on pins and needles for this year to begin and now it's finally here.

Someone asked me what my word was for this year. Grab your barfbags cuz here we go...

LOVE.

I welcome 2010 with open arms (knock on wood). I hope you all have a wonderful year, full of fantastic surpises and filled with love!

(told you I'm sappy and gross!)

~ xoxo ~

PS...Next up? My goals for this year. NOT resolutions...just ideas and goals. Things I want to do, places I want to see, people I want to reconnect with. Just stuff. Not resolutions. I break those too easily. *wink*

LoVe!!

Why?

I am no longer just going through life comfortably numb. I have found peace. I have found happiness. I have found courage. I have found love.

Finding these things has not been easy for me and I have disappointed people along the way. I finally decided to do things because *I* wanted to, not because it would make so-and-so happy.

Mr. Hunzer and I split up over a year-and-a-half ago. We had been having problems for 2-3 years before that, separating for a few months in the fall of 2005, but finally came to the agreement to just go our separate ways. We live two blocks apart from each other, we are co-parenting our kids and we are still friends. I still call/text him when I have something goofy to say and vice versa. We were basically friends and roommates for the last few years of our marriage. I'm glad we ended things when we did because it has made the last year and a half bearable. We do not resent each other but respect each other. It's nice for us...and really weirds people out who find out that we are no longer together but still get along. I will always love him. He is the father to my children. He is a wonderful, wonderful man and the 2nd greatest father I know (the first being my own dad, duh).

In August 2008 I started grad school online at the University of Phoenix. I'm getting my MBA in Healthcare Administration. It's definitely not easy. In fact, it is a HELL of a lot more difficult than I ever imagined. I only have a year left of school. After that, I may go for one more MBA in Marketing or something...might as well since I'll have the core MBA classes done.

In March 2009 I lost my job at the cancer center. I didn't get laid off. My stupid ass got fired. I was "late" too many times. Frankly I find their reasoning a crock of SHIT and I would LOVE to battle it out but I'm too heartbroken to care. I loved that job and loved my patients even more. I miss the patients terribly. I miss some of my coworkers terribly.

I spent 3 months off of work and doing the stay-at-home Mom thing again. Yuck. I did it for over 7 years before I got the job at the cancer center in October 2007. Being off of work for those three months showed me that I needed to get a job to keep my sanity. I love my babies more than life itself...but holy hell. I like adult interaction, money and freedom too.

I started my current job at the end of June as a Client Service Supervisor doing release-of-information for a large health care system in the Twin Cities. The best part? It's 2nd shift baby!! I don't start work until 3pm and finish at 11:30pm (at the earliest). I'm not a morning person AT ALL. I love my job so far. We are crazy busy and overtime is not an issue. Shit ~ I'll take time-and-a-half anytime!!

Did I mention that I have found love? Well, I have and cannot believe how lucky I am to have him in my life. He's everything to me. Best part? He loves my kids. Worst part? He's currently on deployment in the Western Pacific. Yep, he's in the Navy. This is his first deployment. He joined the navy at the beginning of this year...at the age of 29. He's wanted to do it for a while and finally did. We've known each other for a few years but reconnected earlier this year and BAM ~ wedding bells are ringing!

Oh, I forgot to mention that we are engaged?

YES WE ARE!!

We are going to do the long-distance thing until he is able to get out of the Navy (2013). He is stationed on a ship in San Diego. My ass is staying put in Minnesota. I love where I live and could never uproot the kids. Besides, I would never in a million years put Mr. Hunzer through that stress. It wouldn't be fair to anyone. The kids really like him and already have a ton of ideas for the wedding. I have a few ideas myself but I know this for sure ~ there isn't going to be a big blow-out wedding. In fact, there just may be an elopement first and then an official wedding a year or two down the road. Shhhh... Thing 1 says she already has a wedding present for me and Sailorman. She wants to be the flower girl. Thing 2 said he wants to walk me down the aisle. The Baby Boy Child will be the ring bearer. I've decided that I want both Thing 1 and Thing 2 to walk me down the aisle with the BBC carrying the rings right in front of us.

Mr. Hunzer is in a relationship too. I haven't met her but I hear good things about her. Mr. Hunzer seems very happy with her. She has nine-year-old son so my kids have a playmate when they hang out. I told Mr. Hunzer that as long as she is good to the kids AND to him, then I'm cool with it. The second she starts treating any of them badly, including Mr. Hunz, then I will stomp her guts out.

I'm just sayin'...

Enough babbling. I think it's high time for a photo update!!

New Ink #1 (mine is the right one, it's the kanji symbol for "love" on my left wrist. Sailorman's is the kanji symbol for "eternal" on his chest, over his heart):

New Ink #2 ~ It means "forever in my heart". The initials ACW are my stepdaughter's initials. The initials CAM are those of a friend who died in 1994 at the age of 14.